The Surprising Transition

The Surprising Transition

During my last year and a half of schooling, Sam and I came to realize that God was calling me to be a full time wife and mother (aka Housewife, Homemaker, Homeschooling mom, stay at home mom….take your pick of names…I’m not really a fan of any of them). 

            I had so many high hopes and dreams of what it would be like to no longer be a student and be a full time mom. I was going to cook from scratch meals every day, keep the house immaculately clean, sew all kinds of dresses for Rylee and me, write on my story every day, do a bible study, pretty much anything and everything that you can think of that you want to be doing when you are working and don’t want to be working, that’s what I was going to do. Things turned out very different than I was expecting. I want to share with you five things that I have learned during my transition from a full time student to a full time wife and mother. 

1: The house is quiet and lonely. 

            In my excitement, I forgot that Rylee is not even a year old yet. She can’t talk. I can’t exactly teach her anything and as you all know, we live far out in the country. $8 in gas anytime I want to go into town, and that adds up quick. I had to get used to being on my own and get used to silence. Silence, a scary word. You might not think it’s scary, but try this…the next time you reach for your phone to check a text, look at Pinterest, or get on Facebook, don’t. Is the TV on? The radio? Turn them off. Force yourself to do whatever you were doing without a distraction. No entertainment, no stimulation, just you, your thoughts, and your work. It’s hard.

            I binged entertainment for the first two weeks. I would sleep in, feed Rylee breakfast, then hit the couch and watch the TV shows I’d been having to ignore while I finished school. All day, every day. It was boring. I was depressed. I wondered if I was only going to have TV to look forward to everyday until Rylee was old enough for me to start homeschooling. So I made a rule with myself—no TV during the day until Sam got home. And, I’ve already given up being on my phone all the time because I don’t want Rylee to be raised dependent on technology like the rest of us. Which leaves me with, you got it, silence. I’m having to un-train myself to be dependent on entertainment and find motivation to do boring tasks like clean the house. 

2: Cleaning is never ending.

            Remember all of those things that I wanted to do? I’m here to tell you there are not enough hours in the day! There is always something that needs to be done, and it takes time. Lots of time. I could probably spend every day cleaning for the rest of my life. You start out with the chores that need to be done every week, move to odd cleaning jobs that haven’t been done in who knows how long (vacuuming bugs out of light fixtures, vacuuming dog hair out of the vents, fixing the vacuum because you clogged it…whoops), and before you know it, it’s a new week and you have to start your weekly chores all over again. And then there’s all the outside work that needs to be done…cleaning up the yard, fixing the coop, weeding, watering…you get my point). Throw in the realization that you don’t get to go homeafter work…home is your work…and you could be doing housework until you go to sleep only to wake up and continue where you left off. It’s exhausting. It’s not fun, and you’re having to do it in the dreaded silence. 

            So, after two weeks of doing nothing and two days of doing too much, I came to the realization that I needed a routine and some ground rules. I will say that as a result of this routine (and I’m still working out the kinks), I feel much more accomplished, more balanced, and happier in general. My daily routine:

1.     Wake up at the same time every day. This one is so hard. I’m still struggling with it. But on the mornings that I actually manage to wake up at 7:00am (an hour before Rylee gets up), I always end up accomplishing more on my to do list and starting the day out on a more positive note. 

2.     Make your bed when you get up.You are up, the day has started, and you are less likely to crawl back into the warm cozy blankets and sleep in longer. 

3.     Get dressed.It sounds nice to stay in your pajamas all day, but remember you are trying to increase motivation. Are you going to be motivated to work when you are still in your PJs? Probably not. Is your husband going to think that you actually did work when he gets home and you are still in your PJs? Probably not. So first thing’s first. Get dressed. You also never know who’s going to show up at your house unexpectedly (Jehovah witnesses, the mail lady, the lady you hired to take pictures of your house who got the date wrong and showed up a week early…so it’s good to be prepared. ). And finally, it’s nice to look nice. You will be much happier when you think you look great and not like a bum. 

4.     Keep a journal.Notice, I said a journal and not a diary. This is a work journal. A list of everything that you need to do, and a list of everything that you have gotten done. Every day, I start the day by creating a “To-Do” list. One that I can mark off as I get tasks done. Anything that didn’t get done yesterday gets added to my list to do today. If you do anything extra, that gets written in a separate section. This not only serves to help you prioritize what you need to get done, and motivate you to do chores, but it also gives your husband that chance to see what you’ve been up to while he’s been at work all day. Feeling motivated? Do the things you don’t want to do first. Not feeling motivated? Roll a die and do the chores in that order. It’s kind offun. 

5.     Do a bible study.Read a little bit from the bible every day in an effort to turn your thoughts more towards God. Remember that silence? It’s great for prayer time and providing you with the opportunity to think and to listen to what God is telling you. 

6.     Create a weekly chore list. This one is a big one. To try and keep your house clean and to not be cleaning non-stop, make a list of the chores that need to be done every day, every week, and every other week and delegate them to certain days. I delegated all of my work to week days so that my weekends are free to spend time with Sam and help with projects. Also, it took some thinking to get the chores in an appropriate order. For instance, since we do the majority of the dirty work on the weekends, it makes more sense for me to do laundry on Mondays rather than Fridays so that my clothes are not sitting stinky in the clothes basket for a week unwashed. 

7.     Stop working at a set time. I don’t do any chores after Sam gets home (except small stuff if I’m feeling up to it). Instead, I try and take the time to focus on Sam. I haven’t seen him all day after all, and I’d rather not be ignoring him to get chores done that I can do tomorrow. 

8.     Start dinner at a set time. I’m thinking this needs to be a thing that we do, but right now we don’t. It’s a future goal. 

3: Consistency in your day is a thing of the past.Another big thing that I came to realize is that I was going to have to give up consistency in my daily routine. Every day is different. I try and structure my days around my routine, but sometimes that routine just gets thrown out the window. You have to learn to be flexible and get your work done around the needs of your family.

4: It’s a time of personal growth and learning to “die to yourself” so that you can better serve your family. I’d say that motherhood/being married is like this even if you aren’t a full time wife and mother. But now, I feel like I’m neck deep in home life. I’m down in the trenches, no longer splitting my time between work and home. I try and use every day as an opportunity to shape myself into the woman that God wants me to be. I wrestle with my weaknesses and try to be more patient and more loving. Instead of focusing on my education, and my schoolwork that must be a priority over everything else, I can make Sam and Rylee my priority. I die to my own selfish desires and try to look for ways that I can better serve my family. It’s rewarding. 

5: This life is not normal. I knew this one going in. I knew that being a stay at home mom was not something that most people do. Society has trained us to put money first and in order to have money, you have to work. I’m not saying that I could do this without money…God has certainly blessed Sam and I to afford for me to stay home while he works, but it does take some sacrifices financially. Our future is a little more uncertain with only one job in the family. Voicing concerns will just lead friends and family to the same conclusion—that I should get a job; not realizing that this in itself is a job. You just have to look at in a little differently. 

            If I had a job, we would have to pay for childcare. Since I’m watching the kids fulltime, that money gets to stay in our pockets. 

            If I had a job, I wouldn’t have time to fix as many nice, healthy, from scratch meals. Will this lead to healthy kids with fewer medical bills down the road? Unknown, but not impossible. 

            If I had a job, I wouldn’t get to teach my kids. This one doesn’t apply yet, but it will soon. I think we can all think of some downfalls of public education (and the many benefits and positives, as well). I’m looking forward to taking a different approach with my kids’ education. 

            If I had a job, I wouldn’t have time to maintain the homestead. This is similar to the healthy food. In the future, we plan on having a small farm with a big garden, potentially a fruit orchard, and livestock. Maintaining a homestead to provide my family with healthy food takes time, and I would be hard pressed to find the time if I was working. 

            The list could go on. This job, being a full time wife and mother, requires me to put on many different hats depending on the day, and depending on the point in life that we are at. I may not be getting paid in a financial manner, but I am getting paidwith a happy, healthy, loved family. And that, is why I am doing it.  

* * * * *  

This weekend was busy for us as we were making final preparations before we list our house. We pressure washed the entire house. We got started about 8am to try and beat the heat of the day. Man, was it hot this weekend!

Remember how Sam stained the new ramp to the shed? Well, here's how it turned out. 

We added non-slip strips to the ramp so that the mower tires won't slip while we are driving in or out of the shed. 

I carried Rylee around for most of the weekend since she was tired of her stroller. She ended up falling asleep on me for her morning nap. 

 When we carried her to the house to take her out and lay her down in the crib, she was out!

Look at that cute little face!

On Sunday, after we had spent a scorching morning working outside after church, I decided to try and do something fun (and in the air conditioning). I tried to make Rylee a pair of shoes. They ended up being too small.

My never ending quest to make the perfect sourdough loaf continues. Last weeks loaf was super dense and split during baking with the upper half cooking well and rising and the lower half sinking down. I solved the splitting problem this time around, but the bread is still way too dense. It was heavy as a brick! Good thing the chickens aren't picky eaters! Here's hoping for next weeks loaf. 

And I don't have a pictures, but I thought you all would like to know that the Egyptian Fayoumi is finally laying. Finally. 

Pax Domini cum spirito tuo temper sit,

Torey, Sam & Rylee

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